Once in a while, I look at the statistics for this site and I get to see some of the search terms that folks use to arrive here. Sometimes these are questions that may have gone unanswered. So, here are some of these queries, and my replies. (I’ve done this plenty before by the way, though it’s been a while.) For each search term, I provide a response. (The title, by the way, is an homage to MAD’s “snappy answers to stupid questions.”
how to destroy a bad graduate advisor
Tell them you’re planning to become a sales rep after you finish your dissertation.
how to get out of academic dishonesty
I guess you should lie?
lady professor otherwise called as
Professor. You call her PROFESSOR.
dynamic ecology nut graph
Wow, man, really? Now they’re getting credit for my posts? I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be flattered or dismayed.
how to be a gracious winner
“It was a team effort, I just went out there and put in 100%, just taking one game at a time.”
i sucked as ta did not know
I’m glad to hear you figured this out.
how to treat a proffesor if is woman
Just. Like. A. Man.
how to sway a deans decision on tenure
Identify the source of their insecurity.
university lecturer caught using image in presentaion without permission or credit
People get caught for this? Please, tell me more.
first author second author
red author blue author
what to do if you suspect a reviewer is intentionally sitting on your paper
best clothing color for student evaluations
It depends on how the classroom is painted, you want to use camouflage to avoid detection.
difference between professor and mrs
The first one is your professor. The second one is not.
how to respond to student about extra credit
Maybe you could check your own syllabus to find out your policy.
is it miss to a professor
No, it’s professor to a professor, or it’s Dr. to a professor.
super assistant et antboy
Is this an E.T.-Marvel crossover? Are you looking for a scientific consultant?
how to say a girls name if she a doctor
Dr., or, maybe Dr. Started-Med-School-At-The-Age-of-12
i gave bad questions on an exam what to do
Visit your institution’s center for teaching and learning.
miss or ms for professor
Really, you haven’t been paying attention?
how to make a phone call to your professor
It’s kind of like Skype or FaceTime but without video. You just use the number used for texting, it also can be used for voice calls.